I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
