Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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