turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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