ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
