So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
