No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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