Your dad touched me again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
