he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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