I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
