there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
