i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
