your parents love me but you hate me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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