Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
