so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ttyl tear gas
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
