similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
