I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
