Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
