i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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