I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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