i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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