I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
