im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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