He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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