The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
