I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
