I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
