i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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