Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I had to cum in my sink.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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