why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
