I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
