Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
