you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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