I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
