I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
