Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
