Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
