I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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