That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
