You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
