Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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