i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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