best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
