At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
