ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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