So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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