I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
