drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
