Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
