i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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