I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
