Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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