hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
