And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize