my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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