By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
