I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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