At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
