I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
