im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
