I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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