I like my sex mixed with concussions.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
