whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
