dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think i have two assholes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
