i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
