She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
