he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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