If that was your dad, he is hot
one might say we're banned from that church
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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