it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
