Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
