He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
